Monday, February 20, 2012

Still breathing

Really, last year was not much of nothing in regards to running.  Beginning the year with a knee injury (ITBS, from running on a cambered road) to ending the year with a knee injury (patella-femoral syndrome, most likely, from moving 6 cubic yards of dirt in my yard), to lots of Crossfit in the middle, running just went pttthpp.  In the past 365, I've run 322 miles, according to Garmin.  That's not much milage for a used-to-be-self-described "ultrarunner".  And you know what?  I have not minded one little bit.  I've certainly stayed very active with Crossfit and occasional (VERY occasional) runs here and there.  I've trimmed down from a high of 158 pounds to my current (and current for over 6 months) weight of about 140.  The weightlifting has certainly made a difference to my body and my physical sense of myself, in a way that running never did.  I've been feeling fit fit fit.  I've thought about running, and then whooosh the thought is gone.  I carry my running bag each and every week to Marin, where it stays firmly stashed in the back of my car, never even unzipped.  I've just really lost . . . interest.

And yet.  I've not stopped entirely, and have averaged about 25-30 miles a month.  Yeah, not much.  And yet.  Every time (EVERY. TIME.) I go running, I'm happy.  Every time, I feel better after than I did before.  Every time, my mind feels a little calmer and I feel a little less insane.  Every time when I finish, I say to Tom (or at least think about saying) "Please remind me how good I feel right now."  Every time, I'm all, Look at me!  I can do this!  I strap on my shoes, my iPod, my Garmin and my hat and I am STILL (322 miles a year notwithstanding) a runner.  It took me forever to be able to run 3 miles, forEVER, and I'm so pleased that I still can.  Long before I became a runner, I dreamed of running.  I still remember these dreams, of running calmly and effortlessly and full of breath, dreaming this at a time when I couldn't have run a mile if you put a gun to my head.  I am not that person anymore, and know that I can run like that person in my dreams.  I can run like that today, and I can run like that tomorrow.  I still have it, and I still love it.  I've just drifted away a bit.

So today I sat down and made myself a proper running schedule, a 12-week build to a half marathon in May.  I'm not actually planning a race in May, mind you, but in the past have done so. much. better.  following an actual written schedule (It's Tuesday! Run 5 miles, your phone SAYS SO!) than just going out when I feel like it.  I'm scheduled to run 4 days a week, building up to a 40 mile week.  Once I'm there, who knows.  I might just stay there.  I may continue on to my ultimate goal of running a 50-miler.  I may just drift away again.  All I know is, hey readers!  I'm going to start running again!

And perhaps blogging will follow, though I can't imagine I've got any readers left.  If I do, and you're one, please leave a quick comment, even an anonymous one, because I now have absolutely no idea who might be left.

Am I back?  I'm not sure.  I might be!

1 comment:

Pam said...

You bet your ass I'm still here.