Tuesday, January 11, 2011

It's her Burfday: a Virtual Race Report

Back when my knee was (thought to be) solid and dependable, I signed up for a virtual race in celebration of Pam's 31st birthday -- a 5K, naturally.  Well, my intentions were good but my body was weak, and running was certainly NOT in the cards.  Now, I've bailed on plenty of races, real and virtual, without ever telling anyone, and for much less valid reasons than an injury (It's hot, it's cold, it's too far to drive, I'm hungry, it's early, it's late, all = I am lazy).  Tell me I should run, and I'm all The couch is soooo comfy! and I'll find a million and one reasons not to go.  Tell me I CANNOT run, though, and out comes the determined bitch and suddenly running and fitness is the most important thing in my life and nothing will stop me, lest of all rules.  Billed as a running race, obviously a participant should actually run it, yes?  Well, sorry Pam, but I didn't run it and I'm making up my own rules.  I skied the damn thing, and think I should earn equal billing with the other runners, and no "handicap" or anything for them or me, even though we're using different methods of locomotion.  Look, we all know I suck as a runner, and guess what?  Surprise!  I suck even more as a skate-skier!  

I've gone skate skiing (it's cross country skiing, but like they do in the olympics, with skinny skinny little skis, super fast and balanced and using that skating motion on flat, smooth packed snow) a total of 3 stumbling, bumbling times.  I can downhill ski pretty damn well, but this? doesn't have anything to do with downhill.  People who've mastered it just glide around like angels, hardly expending any energy, yet eating up the miles and elevation and all that; there was recently a 10K skate ski race in the area, and I think the winner did it in something like 24 minutes?  So, yeah, it's fast and a skier shouldn't be compared to a runner ever.


I don't think I've mastered the skill quite yet.  Sure, I slide and glide, but generally in the wrong direction.  I fall.  I slip backwards.  I trip over myself.  I can't seem to climb any kind of hill with anything other than short, choppy stepping motions.  I ski over my poles, then drop them.  I stumble.  I laugh at myself and my inability to move forward while everyone around me is seemingly floating by.  (Actually, minus the poles, this is exactly how I run, too!)

My best ever 5K (running) was 30:38, and I nearly lost a lung throwing down that time.   One of these days, I'll get that under 30:00, and then I'll never try to run "fast" again.  I thought maybe on skis, skate skis, maybe I could get under 30?  After all, in that local race of a few days ago, the last, DFL skier had a time of 27 something in the 5K, so maybe?

So I went out on Saturday and did my 5K (I actually went a few more miles afterwards).  

OK, race report stuff.  Let's say, a summary.  

Slide slide slide, gasp gasp oops! fall down! Slip slide stomp trip slide slide slide.  Oooooh, downhill! Remember your inhaler!  Still, gasp some more, slide slide, slippy trippy ooooooh! downhill!  Slip, step step step, done.

So here it is, my official time in this new super fast sport:

Heee!  I have a long way to go.

Happy Birthday, Pam!


Rose @ Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri said...

Great job! Look at that snow. Brrrrrrrrr

Ewa said...

I tried skate skiing a few years ago and... no, I am not going to relive the embarrassment again.
I love cross country skiing though and hope to find some time this year to do more of it.

Pam @ herbieontherun.com said...

The only thing that could have made this post funnier is if there had been video.

Iron Mike said...

That was awesome, totally legit substitute.

Lisa said...

Hey you! Just wanted to say hi!

Funny race summary, and ya, a video would've been great.

Anonymous said...

Great job, girl! I would die in the show! P.S. I left you a little surprise on my blog! :)

Terri said...

Hilarious! Like everyone else, I would have loved to see video! :)

funderson said...

Oh my hell...skate skiing is freaking tough! I just started this year and holy crap I don't understand how I can run for hours, but I don't think I've made 1k skate skiing without stopping.

Stuart said...

What fun! Kudos for getting out of your comfort zone!