Ahem.

Well, Hello Blog!  And people!  New readers and followers!  6 new ones in the past month, a month in which I have not blogged a word!  Wow!  How does that happen?

We've been here before, folks.  Yes, another [insert long stretch of time here] has passed and I've not blogged, read much or in any other way contributed meaningfully to the blogosphere.  I've REALLY retracted this time, though, and have blown off my coach, my training plan, and perhaps even my running plans for the fall.  I even considered permanently pulling away from my digital existence COMPLETELY ala Pieces of Me, Formulaic et al and just getting on with life.

But.  BUT!  I keep on writing these cool blog posts in my head.  Even if it never makes it beyond my head (see the last month), somehow that voice just doesn't go away.  I've thought about how my running has just been dribbling along, I have this awesome coach that I am avoiding hugely (so easy to do with email!) for no real reason, I'm continually finding things to do other than running, and I'm all, What the hell do I have to blog about, really?  Not the great distances that I've been piling up, the tips I've learned I can pass on to another, not the pain and triumphs whatever yadda yadda yadda, so what's the point?

Well, perhaps the point is that I'm struggling a little bit here, moreso than I have at any other time in my running life and maybe I should be documenting that, too, because that has to be a part of at least some runners' lives.  So, new readers, if you want to read about some fine, motivated "real" runners who run when they should, blog when they should, do speedwork allowing them to run at faster than walking place, follow plans and are generally all-around good schmoes, click on just about any of those links on my sidebar.  If, on the other hand, you want to be abandoned with no warning for looooong lengths of time, read sporadic posts consisting mainly of why I haven't posted in a while, interspersed with an occasional witty remark (often about shit) or photo of a very cool place, plus, oh yeah, a very occasional post about actually running (albiet slowly), well then you've found the right place!  Pull up a chair and settle in for blast summary of the month of April, after which I will probably fade back into the woodwork again and not post for weeks.

I've never really excelled at positive affirmations, obviously.

Oh, and I also recently got an iPad . . . therefore I must blog.

THE RUNNING
It's been happening, though less than it should be.  I dunno, I often just don't feel like it.  No reason, not too lazy (because I've been doing other things than laying on the couch), just . . . ?  When I run, I'm as happy as a clam, Yay! Whoppee!  Look at me, I'm a runner!  Loving it! and I just want to do it forever.  But making the first step out the door has become a bigger and bigger obstacle.  I have NO idea why, and I'm not even upset about it and I have NO idea why.  ?  Sure, me, fancying myself a Long Distance Runner with Ultrarunner aspirations, me of the can't-run-fast-so-I'll-run-long-instead "fame", yeah, me . . . has been averaging 10 mile weeks.  Yes, me, who went out and hired a coach and has a professional training plan and all that to see what my potential is, . . . me, continues to ignore training plan and everything that goes with it (Genuinely sorry, SUAR).  I guess my potential is for, 10 mile weeks?  Wow!

But you know what?  For some reason, I really don't much care.  I'm quite ok, for now, with my sporadic flailings.  I'm not kicking myself for my lassitude, as I have done in the past.  I'm not thinking myself a lazy, no-good runner.  I don't feel guilty (except, a little bit, for how I've handled (not handled) the coaching commitment).  I'm just . . . waiting.  For this period to be over.  Someday, and I think its going to be someday soon (or, not), I'm going to wake up (and after 15 minutes of bedsuck) and suddenly feel like, Hey! In July I'm gonna run a 50K or whatever (hopefully that happens soon, or, no 50K in July!) so I better lay down some miles in a hurry here!  Until then, I really am enjoying my little 5 mile runs.  Training?  Naaaah!

THE CROSSFIT
Certainly accounts for at least some of my running ennui.  Because with this I have been challenged.  Weight lifting, cardio, and general hard fuckin' work can be found in the walls of a Crossfit gym.  I am WORKED here, one month in (and, yes, I suck hugely and am easily, easily! the slowest, weakest person in the class, time and time again) . . . and I love it.  I've humiliated myself, hurt my tender arthritic back, dropped weights on the floor clang!, drooled and come very close to vomiting, and I love it.  Twice a week (I've missed 2 classes all together) I head in all chirpy and ready and twice a week I slink out of class all shaky and weak and I love it.  I'm waiting here, too, because I just know I'm gonna wake up one of these days and just you fucking watch me do a push-up, then a pull-up, then just take a look at my guns, man, because they're gonna be spectacular.

THE DIET
Oh man, oh man, I am on a diet!  I have never dieted a day in my life, but woke up the other week (here I go with the waking up thing again, maybe if I just stayed in bed?!?) and weighed 158 pounds (on my 5'7" frame) and thought, Holy Shit! I'm gonna be 45 and FAT!  And I took a look at all the Cokes and potato chips and 3 am vending machine visits (what else are you gonna halfway through a shift?) I've had and am like, surprised?!?  So I did a little research and overheard a conversation or two and made a phone call and got myself on a Detox Diet.

Let me say first off that I don't believe in diets.  I think that if you're heavy and want to lose weight you need a lifestyle change, and to eat less and exercise more, and all the cabbage soup and lemon-and-cayenne you can slurp up is not going to make any effective, long term change in your body type or overall level of health.  It's not rocket science.  Eat less, move more, get over it.  And I eat a fairly healthy diet, most of the time, and I exercise more than many and am pretty healthy for an old broad.  But.  BUT!  I have terrible habits.  I drink an insane amount of Coke in any given day (not even diet coke), I skip breakfast, always! I love my jalapeno potato chips, late night snacking and second helpings.  Chocolate!  Cookies! Yummy!  After all, I'm a runner, right?

This kind of thinking has got me to almost 160 pounds.  Fit pounds, but a lot of big jiggly belly and wiggly arm pounds nonetheless (though my ass and legs look great, thank-you-very-much!).  And before that 160 turns into 170 turns into 180 (as, inorexibly (sp?), 130 has turned into 140 and 150), it's time for me to break my shitty habits and re-style my way of thinking about food.

Thus, I'm doing this 21 day, dietician-supervised "detox" diet.  3 weeks to make a habit, 3 weeks to break a habit, right?  I'm one week into this plan, which (briefly) consists of: No wheat, dairy, alcohol, refined sugar or corn.  No calorie restriction, not really.  Very balanced, organic meals of lean protein, mostly unlimited veggies, and a little bit of healthy fats (I typed "farts", and there's that, too!).  Tea and sweet-tasting, no-calorie fizzy herbal energy drinks.  LOTS of protein shakes, which also replace some meals.  3 "meals" a day, including breakfast (yes, Bootchez, breakfast!).  The point is to wean myself off of all potential dietary "toxins" and see what happens.  For me, the point is to learn a new way of eating.  Force myself into good habits.  Pay more attention to what I am fueling myself with.  Balance.  I don't intend to come off of this diet, and then continue with it.  I don't intend to go back to my soon-to-be "old" ways, either.  I intend to balance it out, and move forward eating healthier, eating organic, eating more balanced meals, and laying off the damn Cokes all the time.  I intend to pay attention.  If, in the 21 days, I happen to lose 10 pounds, that's all well and good but it's not the main goal.  I did weigh myself the morning of day one (154 pounds), and won't weigh myself again until just before the end.

So far, it's been going amazingly well, I am totally surprised with myself.  Minimal cravings, really tasty foods, and I'm leaning to cope with the protein shakes.  I'll write more about the details later, but essentially I am eating super healthy, absolutely NO PROCESSED FOODS and . . . I am not curled up in the corner wishing for the sugar gods to visit.  Not yet, anyway, 6 days in.  I haven't cheated (oh, well, I guess I have as I have had 2 shots of tequila, but whatever), I haven't been too too hungry, and I'm really enjoying my (organic, health-food-store-purchased) meals.  It's way too early to say, but I am very optimistic.

So, anyhow, that's April for me.  I feel like I'm right on the verge of . . . something.  Don't know what.  Headed to Switzerland (running!) and Greece (running! and beaches!) in a week and a half, and am so totally burnt out from work that that seems far too long away.  I'm happy, active and eating well.  Life is pretty damn good.  I'll try to keep up with the blogging!